Pray the Lord My Soul to Take
by YugamiYoshitsune
Summary: "I have waited for eons to inhabit a mortal body. Yet, I was willing to give it up - for her sake." A supernatural AU in first person perspective: What if Simon Blackquill was a demon?
1. Chapter 1

This fanfic is an experiment in multiple regards: 1. I generally do not write in first person perspective, 2. I fused the mythology of a tabletop RPG called "Demon: The Fallen" with Ace Attorney to create a coherent background for Demon!Simon, although this is not a crossover _per se_ and should be comprehensible without knowing anything about it, and 3. this is my first fanfic based on a piece of fanart. You can find the image at www DOT pixiv DOT net SLASH member_illust DOT php?mode=manga&illust_id=42628994 - fix the link by replacing the capslock parts with the symbols and removing the spaces. I'm not sure if my little writing experiment succeeded or not - I'll leave that up to you to decide!

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><p>She has already been on to me when I am forced to reveal myself, I know that. Still, I never intended for her to find out. The truth must be as unbelievable as it must be terrifying, after all.<p>

Two weeks after my release from the clink, we are on our way to her place after a shared dinner, taking a 'shortcut' she suggested, leading through back alleys in which foul-smelling dumpsters outnumber human beings. My senses are on high alert – it is _too _quiet. Athena seems unbothered, having told me that she has taken this path numerous times before without any problems.

This time, a problem finds us. A ruffian featuring tattoos and a blue bandana, making him recognizable as a member of the Crips, saunters into our way.

"Care to donate to a good cause?"

I can handle him – he does not appear weak, but he is half a head smaller than me, and his only weapon seems to be a jackknife.

"I don't believe that we care for your _cause_."

I ready myself to overpower him, when I sense others in our vicinity before I see them.

They step out between buildings, behind trash containers, from back door entranceways. There are twelve young men in all, and some of them carry guns.

Athena steps closer to me as if to seek reassurance, although she seems ready to at least try and fight her way out of this.

Still, this is no battle I am willing to participate in with all the limitations of my human façade, unarmed, and with her at risk. My Visage will enable me to make short work of the danger we are in, although I am loath to use my Lores on her after what happened the last time. There is only one way to proceed.

"Athena, do me a favor," I mutter in her direction. "Close your eyes for about ten seconds."

I can hear the fear she is trying to bite back in her voice, mingled with confusion, when she asks hesitatingly, "Why…?"

"Trust me."

When I dare to redirect my gaze to her, taking my eyes off our would-be assailants in front of us for a moment, her eyelids are shut.

For the first time in seven years, I unleash what I am. It is the first time I have willingly done so since my ascendance to this realm.

The air flimmers around me and gains a strangely thickened quality, a palpable darkness that nevertheless cannot be seen, imbued with a faint sulfuric scent. I know my eyes to be glowing in their natural rusty red, the color of drying blood, can feel my teeth and nails elongating, and then my wings unfold in a rush of sleek black feathers, their span wide enough to take up the entire width of the alleyway.

I stare down the ringleader, my smirk revealing my fangs. I hope that Athena won't ask questions about the note of gravel my voice has gained when I direct the full power of my persuasion at him, commanding, **"Leave us."**

As a man, the entire group turns tail and runs.

I am about to rein in my Visage once more when I hear her terrified gasp beside me.

Damn it. Either I was too slow, or she could not help but peek.

I fold my wings on my back, turn towards Athena, and notice immediately how pale she is, smell the cold sweat of fear emerging on her brow.

I sigh. "Don't be afraid, Athena. I would never harm you."

Her eyes are still wide and fearful when she asks, "Wh… what are you, and what have you done with Simon…?"

This is what I have been trying to avoid, especially considering that my story is disturbingly similar to that of our greatest enemy.

"I _am _Simon Blackquill, or at least the Simon Blackquill you have always known."

I hesitate, but now, I must share the truth. I will have to use my Lore later, should she be too distraught by it, but if I do not tell her now, her distrust might remain even beyond my erasure of this memory.

"This body was in a major car accident when it was but nine years old – the same crash which killed his parents. It spent eight months in a coma, and at some point during this period, the soul known as Simon Blackquill was whisked away from this realm. I was next in line to ascend from the Abyss, and claimed the now unoccupied body as my own."

Athena gulps audibly. "So… even back when I got to know you, you were like this?"

I nod wordlessly.

Somehow, this affirmation enables her to regain some of her composure. Brave, brave girl – the Visage of a Fallen is usually more than enough to send mortals running screaming, if it does not completely destroy their mental fortitude in one fell swoop.

She takes a deep breath. "I… I think I always kind of knew that there was something _different _about you. Sometimes in court, when you were getting angry, I thought I saw your eyes flash to a different color for just a moment, but it was really hard to tell, since you were so far away… and then, there was this thing where you'd slice Taka's feathers in half without touching them, but somehow, up to now, I've never really thought about _how _you were able to do that…"

Of course she had not – while I cannot help but use some of my lower level abilities to my advantage in trials on instinct, obfuscating them without showing my Visage is so easy as to be almost unconscious. Mortals would notice them, of course, but subconsciously explain such occurrences away to themselves.

I concentrate briefly, closing the fingers of my right hand, and the handle of my flaming sword appears between them.

"This is how."

Athena gapes at the celestial weapon, but there is no fear left in her eyes – only awe.

"_Wow._ So… you're really not human?"

The wry smirk on my features is all but automatic as I once more banish the blade.

"It's a bit more complicated than that. My current _body_ is human, but my essence is not. Overall, though, you are correct. I am an Elohim, or at least that is how we were known before the Fall."

She puts the pieces together. "'The Fall…', 'ascending…' Are you saying you're a, a…"

Even though she does not say it out loud, I know she has caught on. "Yes. Long before I was temporarily imprisoned in this realm, I spent millennia being confined in Hell."

Will she shrink away in terror, knowing that I am what mankind has termed a 'demon?' Will my affiliation with the Lightbringer instill the instinctual flight response of her kind, one of the banes placed upon us by God after our rebellion?

When Athena can finally bring herself to look at me again, she _smiles_.

"My guardian angel is a demon. I'm actually not surprised. It's not like my life has ever been _normal_."

Now, _I_ am surprised. My Visage is still unleashed, its intimidating force must be close to crushing her spirit, and here she stands and looks as though it does not bother her at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Athena's next words speak of her curiosity, her gaze glued to me.

"I hope you're not gonna take this the wrong way, but… I thought demons were supposed to be, y'know, _evil_, and you're definitely not…"

Before I know it, I laugh under my breath. "Thank you for the positive assessment."

While I attempt to find the words to explain, I consciously expend a little more energy to maintain my Visage's aura of intimidation around us, preventing further mortals from chancing upon us in this alley while simultaneously shielding her. Erasing memories without damaging the soul is tricky work, and while doing it to the Crips did not particularly burden what passes for my conscience, I would rather not inflict the process on too many innocents.

"As you probably know from various mortal religions, we were banished to Hell after rebelling against God. The barrier between the Abyss and the earthly realm remained absolute until approximately 100 years ago, at which point it began to weaken. It seems that His Presence has removed itself from this world, and His Word started to falter. We can't bodily escape our prison, for the prohibition keeping us confined is still in effect, but we are able to transfer our essence to disensouled bodies and enter into a symbiosis with a human host. Those of us who manage to do so seek the boon over which we originally rebelled, if at all possible, although we might not attain it within one human lifetime…"

"What 'boon?'" She wants to know.

I am aware that my smile is more than a little bitter. "A soul."

"Huh? But you were talking about transferring your _essence_…"

Athena seems to have difficulties understanding the difference between the two terms.

"The Angelic choirs were given essences – a semblance of personality, traits in line with their assigned duties. However, an essence is limited compared to a soul. Picture us as addicts, deliberately made dependent on God's Grace, and inherently unable to directly disobey Him. The Abyss, our prison, is a pit entirely devoid of His Thought, painful beyond imagination for our kind. A _soul_, on the other hand, is complete in itself, capable of following any path it pleases and independent of His Will."

She shakes her head in disbelief. "You've got _plenty _of personality, though..."

Her matter-of-fact statement makes me laugh scornfully, I cannot hold back.

"Do I? Would you be surprised if I told you that, prior to the Fall, I was a Guardian, assigned to protecting that within your kind which I would never possess, myself?"

Ancient rage wells up in me as I recall. "Condemned to languish right beside His best-loved creation, with no possibility of being granted reprieve… perhaps my rebellion was misguided, but, like my compatriots, I managed to twist His Word in my mind and become greedy. I am still not sure if my ire was not justified. Thus is the burden of the Fallen."

She takes a step back as my Visage manifests even more clearly, choking slightly on the dense air crackling around me, and remorse stabs through me right away as I clamp down on my power.

"No, please… I apologize. I didn't mean to frighten you."

After a tense moment, she nods, her posture gradually relaxing once more.

"That must've been painful… I mean, He's kind of like your dad, right? But instead of paying attention to you and the others, He was all occupied with us even though you were there first, and you got jealous."

Athena is suddenly tremendously interested in her feet, if her prolonged gaze downward is any indication – or perhaps she just cannot look at me anymore.

"It's like with me and my mom… she had time for everyone _but_ me, or at least that's what I thought back then."

I had not even thought of it like that before, but it makes sense. Why else would I have taken to an alienated child enough to voluntarily forfeit my chance at salvation seven years ago?

I find myself nodding slowly. "Perhaps your explanation is somewhat simplistic, but overall, you get the idea."

When she looks up at me again, renewed thirst for knowledge shines in her wide blue eyes.

"So, you guys think that, by living as humans, you can somehow _gain _a soul then?"

I lean against one of the brick walls of the alley, the black plumage of my wings folded loosely around the front of my body akin to a cloak as I cross my arms.

"That is what rumor has. Ever since we began to fuse our essences with human bodies, our numbers have started to dwindle slightly. Not everyone manages to escape Hell for good by way of this method – when the host expires, those of us who fail in our quest are sent straight back into the Abyss. However, there _have _been cases where a mortal coil has died without the essence returning."

Athena is not so slow to not understand the implications of my words.

"But that means… if you'd been executed two weeks ago…"

I close my eyes. "Yes. I probably would have been cast down into torment once more, to wait in line for my next host for yet another eon or two."

Silence reigns – and then, I feel her fingers gently running over my wing in an attempt to soothe me. I had not even realized that I had wrapped them more tightly around me while envisioning what could have happened. Soothe_ me _– the stuff of a mortal's nightmares! Extraordinary. Then again, when has she ever _not _been?

"Are you sure you don't have a soul yet, though? After all, you saved me… that's gotta count for something."

I glance down at her with an indulgent smile. "I doubt it is all that easy, considering how irate He was with us. Besides, my actions were in line with my calling, my essence – as disappointing as that might be for you, I'm not sure that what I did back then wasn't a mere reflex, to be entirely honest. And furthermore…"

The smile slides off my face. What I have to tell her now is absolutely nothing to smile about.

"… even though I _did _remove you from the scene, I damaged your psyche. I didn't mean to, but I failed to control myself."

Athena looks up at me apprehensively, and there is something in her eyes imploring me to tell her something she will be able to forgive.

I do not know why something in my chest seizes with pain at the sight.

The question comes. "… What do you mean?"

It takes me a moment to gather the fortitude to answer.

"You did not lose your memories merely because you were traumatized by what happened, Athena. When I saw your mother's body, I completely lost my grip on what you see before you now. It's a miracle the sight of me did not drive you permanently insane."

I remember her being borderline catatonic as I carried her away; thankfully, a demonic Visage cannot be captured on cameras, or the evidence of the UR-1 case would have shown my wings wrapped protectively around her, tears of liquid fire streaming down my face, and my hair smoldering under the flames of my sulfur-tinged, cracked halo. Before I left her that day, I did my utmost to limit the damage I had done by erasing the memories as gently and precisely as I could, but thanks to my interference, she ended up not remembering what had happened to her mother whatsoever. Her seven years of pain and uncertainty were my fault.


	3. Chapter 3

I forget how to breathe when Athena's slim arms firmly close around the cocoon of my wings and she smiles up at me.

_She isn't upset…?_

She seems to know what I am thinking.

"You still saved me, though. And, as you said, you didn't mean to lose control. So what if I don't remember everything clearly? All's well that ends well."

Her head snuggles against me in contentment, rendering me speechless. Then, she continues to speak quietly.

"I think I kind of _do_ remember you being like this, actually. Only a tiny bit. Every time I dreamed of you while studying for the bar, there was this funky smell… I was wondering why, especially since I _never _smell things in dreams, but now I know. You smell the same way right now."

Athena realizes the meaning of her words almost immediately. "Um, not that 'funky' necessarily means _bad_…"

I chuckle, which brings her smile back right away. "I am quite aware that the Abyss does not leave me with the most appealing scent."

Her next words are entirely unexpected. "Y'know… I still say I bet you're gonna be one of the ones who'll gain a soul, if you haven't already. I mean… when you told me about your _essence_, it sounded like, before the Fall, you were only interested in yourself, your task, and your relationship with God, because that's how you were made, right?"

I find myself dumbfounded by Athena's insight, and she continues after a moment of silence, taking it for agreement.

"Maybe I misunderstand, but… if I look at it, the difference between us seems to be that humans feel for each other. Care for each other. Do something for one another not because they _have _to, but because they _want _to."

"But I…"

She stops my protest in its tracks. "I know. You said that, as a Guardian, this is one of your traits, but… think of Aura for a moment."

I am nonplussed. "What about her?"

In my surprise, my wings loosen their hold on my body, and she insinuates herself into an embrace of black plumage, her warmth next to me soothing balm for my thoughts.

"You tried making sure that she'd get out of jail as fast as possible after what she did, even though she went against what you were trying to do," she mutters into my chest. "She wasn't in mortal danger, she didn't kill anyone, after all, and you still protected her by hiring us to defend her. Also… you've been spending time with me when you didn't have to – you're done protecting me now, after all… to not even mention that you didn't have to explain all of this to me and decided to do so, anyway. And," she swallows hard, "you _cared _when you found mom dead. Why else would you be so upset that you'd lose control otherwise?"

The truth of her words is undeniable.

I _do _care for Aura – she raised the changeling she thought to be her baby brother to adulthood single-handedly after her parents' demise, and although we argue constantly, I cannot help but think of her fondly, if with more than a little exasperation. Even in the privacy of my own thoughts, the first term that comes to mind when I think of her is 'sister.'

I _did _care when I happened upon Metis' body – she took me in and instructed me without demanding compensation after I sought her out in a bid to create a front for my manipulative powers. I recall being saddened by the fact that, while she was able to communicate with me, providing calm stability, she had no such aptitude when it came to her daughter. Athena's lost chance to grow up enough to understand her mother, compounded with the cutting loss for me and Aura, made me see red and howl out my rage in my celestial voice on that painful day, dealing an accursed injury to the one I sought to protect.

And finally… I _do _care for Athena. I care for her more than for the distant possibility of gaining absolution. I would have gladly sacrificed my host body, as much as it has become mine over the years, for her safety. I would have once more descended into the Abyss to preserve her existence without hesitation, as fleeting as it is compared to my own.

I can't keep from shaking my head slightly in wonder as I look down at her, ensconced within my protective cocoon of feathers. Her smile back at me is barren of all fear, dazzling in its brilliance.

"You get it, don't you? And we all care for you, too… you're Aura's brother, and you've been that for almost twenty years. My mom really liked you. And I…"

She paused for a moment.

"… well, I've spent seven years trying to save you, and I'm still so happy that I managed just in time, even though I now know what you are. It really doesn't matter to me – as you said, you're Simon. Maybe you weren't at first, when you woke up in this body from the coma, but now you _are_."

At this point, my arms close around her underneath my plumage, doubling up the embrace. Instead of fearing my grasp, she leans into me, full of trust. The sudden warm feeling in my chest does not only come from the physical heat her body is radiating.

"When you first came to us, I didn't hear much from your heart, y'know… back then, it was actually a relief for me because you weren't as loud as everyone else, but now that I think back on it, it'd have probably become kind of phantom level creepy after a while… you only had emotions when talking to Aura in the first weeks, but then, you slowly started having really quiet reactions to mom and me, too. And when you confessed to mom's murder… you don't know how your heart suddenly _screamed_. Hearing it hurt so badly – the sadness, and the fear, and the bitterness. I'm sorry it took me so long to come back… I can't say that enough. You'd just found your feelings, and then you've had to deal with negative ones for all that time…"

"Don't apologize." The words come without my bidding. "Don't ever apologize for this again. I gladly suffered the consequences."

I am not even surprised at my reaction anymore; on some level, I must have already accepted Athena's arguments.

_Do I have a soul…?_

Of course, there is no way for me to tell. It is not as though ensoulment announces itself with a fanfare or an achievement trophy falling from the sky. However… for the time being, it does not really matter, now does it? This body still has multiple decades ahead of it – and the sense of inner _peace _I have recently gained, now that my time in the clink is over, already feels like it compensates for all my sufferings in Hell, even though only weeks have passed.

This life is _mine _now, even if I originally took it from the poor soul of the youngest Blackquill after it had left this world behind, and I am determined to make the best of it for both our sakes, regardless of whether further damnation waits at its end. Even if my theoretical newly-gained soul were to be set free, the prospect of returning to Heaven sours in comparison to my current existence, so filled with _care_.

Belatedly, I see the slight blush on Athena's face when I glance down at her, feel her leaning up as far as she is able to within my hold…

Can I allow this to happen?

The warmth in my chest screams _yes_, but…

"… Athena. I am everything humanity has feared and despised for all of its existence. I envied your kind so much that I was cast into the Abyss, and rightfully so. You can't…"

She halts my words with a firm shake of her head. "Stop it. Just stop it right there."

I lose myself in the blue of her eyes as I lean closer without conscious thought, even as she continues speaking.

"Everything about you is beautiful and _good_. What you did in the past doesn't matter. We still have a lot of time until you find out if you got your soul or not… and in the meantime, I want to be with you."

The sigh that escapes me when our lips meet, when her tongue ghosts across my fangs, careful to avoid injury but bereft of shyness, feels perilously close to those I emitted whenever He gazed favorably upon me in the distant past. A nearly soundless prayer of devotion to another, one who accepts me exactly as I am.

There is no doubt in me that I am, and perhaps will always remain, a sinner most foul, but for the short amount of time I have in this realm, I will regard her as my salvation.

As soon as she draws back, I lift her up in my arms as my wings spread with a loud rustle, and I spirit her away into the darkness of the night's sky.


End file.
